You’re Not a Bad Mom: Understanding Postpartum Rage

If you’ve ever felt like the woman in this photo—hands on your head, heart pounding, unsure how you’ll get through the day—you’re not alone.

You’re Not a Bad Mom: Understanding Postpartum Rage

No one warns you about the anger.

There’s so much focus on postpartum depression and anxiety — but no one tells you that becoming a mother might also come with rage. That white-hot feeling that builds in your chest when your baby won’t stop crying, your partner doesn’t hear you the first time, or you haven’t had a moment alone in days.

And then it hits. You snap. You yell. You slam a door. And afterward, the shame rolls in like a wave.

“What is wrong with me? I love my baby. Why am I so angry?”

You’re not alone. And you’re not broken. This is something more moms are experiencing than you might think — but far fewer are talking about.

What Is Postpartum Rage?

Postpartum rage is exactly what it sounds like: intense bursts of anger, irritability, or even out-of-body frustration that can show up after birth. It’s not just “moodiness.” It can feel sharp, overwhelming, and hard to control.

Often, it doesn’t look how we expect it to. It’s not always shouting or slamming doors — sometimes it’s the quiet clenching of your jaw. The way your whole body tightens when you hear, “Mom, can you…” for the 30th time in an hour. The sudden urge to scream into a pillow just to release the pressure that’s been building.

And most moms who experience it also carry deep guilt. But here’s the truth:

Therapist note:

Postpartum rage is often a symptom of something deeper — like postpartum anxiety, overstimulation, sleep deprivation, trauma, or a nervous system in chronic fight-or-flight. You’re not overreacting. Your body is trying to communicate that it’s at capacity.

Why Postpartum Rage Happens

Motherhood demands everything from you. Your time, your body, your sleep, your emotional availability — all while navigating a massive identity shift.

And most of the time, it’s happening without the kind of support you actually need.

When your nervous system doesn’t get a chance to reset, that stress builds up. And eventually, it boils over — not because you’re a bad mom, but because you’ve been running on empty for too long.

Common Triggers of Postpartum Rage:

• Sleep deprivation (hello, night feedings)

• Sensory overload (noise, clutter, being constantly touched)

• Feeling dismissed or unseen in your relationship

• Lack of alone time

• Unprocessed birth trauma

(Related: Birth Trauma and EMDR: Healing After a Difficult Labor or Delivery)

• The invisible mental load (keeping track of everything, for everyone)

You’re reacting to something real. And your anger isn’t irrational — it’s informational. It’s asking for something to change.

What Postpartum Rage Doesn’t Mean

It doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby.

It doesn’t mean you’re dangerous.

It doesn’t mean you’re failing.

It means your system is overloaded — and somewhere along the way, you’ve been told to ignore your own needs in order to be a “good mom.” But repressing what’s real doesn’t make it go away. It just builds.

You Can Learn to Work With the Anger (Not Against It)

Rage isn’t something to be feared — it’s something to be understood.

In therapy, we work with the nervous system, not against it. We look at what your anger is trying to protect. What it’s signaling. What boundaries need reinforcing. What emotions have been buried beneath all the doing.

Whether you’ve tried talk therapy before or you’re new to this kind of work, modalities like EMDR can help process the deeper emotional load — especially if you’re carrying unprocessed trauma, resentment, or chronic burnout.

A Few Gentle Reminders If This Is You

• You’re not the only mom who feels this way

• Needing help doesn’t mean you’ve failed

• Anger is valid — and it’s pointing to something that matters

• You can learn to calm your body and reconnect with yourself

• You deserve care too

🧡 “You’re not a bad mom. You’re a human being who’s been stretched past her limit.”

You’re Allowed to Feel — and Heal

If postpartum rage has been part of your story, you don’t have to carry it alone. There is nothing shameful about needing support. In fact, seeking help might be one of the bravest and most nurturing things you do — not just for you, but for the version of you your kids get to grow up with.

👉 If this resonates, reach out here to start therapy.

You matter, too.